Recent events have made it very clear that, though I abhor this fact, I have absolutely no control over most of my life. None at all. Which, of course, sends my clawing-for-control self spiraling into panic every now and then.
I'm trying to be "okay" with this reality, which is much easier said than done. Obviously.
To the rest of the population, this may very well be old news. Common sense. Call it what you will. But see, it's never been this blatantly neon-sign-obvious for me until these past months, and to be blunt: I don't like it.
However, seeing as how one can't change the realities of life in general (aside from what little they as an individual have control of), I have come to the conclusion that I need to freakin' get it together.
So.
I have been contemplating what is absolute, in order to minimize the unsettling nature of my utter lack of control in everything else. And here's what I've come up with:
Gravity is an absolute. Laugh if you want, but sometimes something as simple as knowing you won't go floating off into the void of space anytime soon is a comfort.
I call it God, you might call it something else. But there's that ever-present and all-powerful force that doesn't morph or disappear despite the wavering of my own little presence. And knowing that something so much larger than all I can ever hope to comprehend exists is, in itself, a complete relief. Kind of puts things into perspective, you know?
My mind, body, and spirit are my own. No one else can touch them unless I allow it. My thoughts are locked safely in my head, my heart is mine to give, and my body is under my own control.
And not to bring up the dead and buried, but nothing my dad did or could have done had the potential to take any of this away from me.
I feel oddly liberated by this knowledge and, yet, somehow unnerved. It's as if the world seems much bigger and I feel smaller, more vulnerable. I have my shell, but there's still so much to figure out.
I think I need to do some serious soul-searching, soon. I feel like, despite my epiphany, I'm still missing a big part of the picture.
A big part of...me.
Eh, chalk it up to my eccentricities.
I'm trying to be "okay" with this reality, which is much easier said than done. Obviously.
To the rest of the population, this may very well be old news. Common sense. Call it what you will. But see, it's never been this blatantly neon-sign-obvious for me until these past months, and to be blunt: I don't like it.
However, seeing as how one can't change the realities of life in general (aside from what little they as an individual have control of), I have come to the conclusion that I need to freakin' get it together.
So.
I have been contemplating what is absolute, in order to minimize the unsettling nature of my utter lack of control in everything else. And here's what I've come up with:
Gravity is an absolute. Laugh if you want, but sometimes something as simple as knowing you won't go floating off into the void of space anytime soon is a comfort.
I call it God, you might call it something else. But there's that ever-present and all-powerful force that doesn't morph or disappear despite the wavering of my own little presence. And knowing that something so much larger than all I can ever hope to comprehend exists is, in itself, a complete relief. Kind of puts things into perspective, you know?
My mind, body, and spirit are my own. No one else can touch them unless I allow it. My thoughts are locked safely in my head, my heart is mine to give, and my body is under my own control.
And not to bring up the dead and buried, but nothing my dad did or could have done had the potential to take any of this away from me.
I feel oddly liberated by this knowledge and, yet, somehow unnerved. It's as if the world seems much bigger and I feel smaller, more vulnerable. I have my shell, but there's still so much to figure out.
I think I need to do some serious soul-searching, soon. I feel like, despite my epiphany, I'm still missing a big part of the picture.
A big part of...me.
Eh, chalk it up to my eccentricities.
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