Response to a Random Question

For those of you who have no idea what this post is and are probably thinking along the lines of "What in the world is this maniac up to today?", there is actually some reasoning behind the topic. I originally asked for one of those enticing questions on my blog's profile and quickly found that it required a rather lengthy answer. Well, surprise; there's only so much room for a response on the profile. So, despite the fact that logic would compel one to either shorten the answer or choose a different question altogether, I chose to instead post my extensive and thorough reply here, where a post that consists of more than 400 characters is permitted, maybe even preferred.

And the randomly selected question is... *drum roll please*

"You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape."

(Heh heh.)

The solution is simple, my dear young Padawan.

First, I construct a space age satellite using the versatile slinky, a few strands of goat hair, and one of my shoes. Then, fueling the satellite with some of the goat's nutritious, life-giving milk, I make contact with my colleagues on the planet Quipal. Once contact is established, my allies hastily board their space craft (which is shaped like a massive two-headed turtle) and journey to the well's coordinates, obtained by tracking a microchip that was embedded in my left shoulder the day I was born in anticipation of this very situation. Upon their arrival, the extraterrestrials will attempt to extricate myself and the goat, whose name is Glitter, but fail due to a nearby tapioca pudding spill from a motor vehicle accident involving a rampaging rhinoceros and a tanker truck carrying cargo destined for a pudding and licorice dispensary.

(What is that, you say? You've never heard that the inhabitants of Quipal are weakened by tapioca, which greedily absorbs their life energy and renders them ineffective as rescuers? Disgraceful! Everyone know that.)

Now, where was I? I was momentarily distracted by the blatant display of ignorance... Ah, yes, now I recall. Ahem.

Upon the arrival of the Quipalians' closest allies, a league of ultra intelligent tuna that thrive on dry land and have an insatiable desire to devour tapioca pudding near wells, the dreaded spill is contained and thus the extraterrestrials' power restored. Finally, following the ceremonial giving of ninja figurines to the tuna in thanksgiving for eliminating the terrible threat, my dear old friends once again attempt to rescue both myself and Glitter, my hoofed comrade. This time, the extrication is successful.

Truly, strong in that well the Force is.